Recipe for Keeping Your Head Above Water (Vegan)
Pre-heat your gut to gas mark 6.
Dry ingredients –
Add 2 cups of self control (you can use plain or self-raising)
sieve 1/2 cup of consciousness, 1/4 cup of doubt.
Wet ingredients –
oil, almond milk and the sweat from the small of your back into a jug
whisk and leave to separate.
Combine wet and dry ingredients, mix until your arm throbs,
then switch and do the same with the other hand.
It will be better if you can use both to show flexibility.
The mix should now be thick, sticky and impossible to pour,
scrape it into a greaseproof loaf tin and spread unevenly,
it should look a lot like the way you negotiate your time.
Cook for 20 minutes
simultaneously wash, dry, hoover, clean
drink processco with the girls
fill out your arts council application,
invoice for that workshop,
and chasing five different promoters
for money owed
Cake should be burnt, cut
and served to everyone you want something from
collect the crumbs
and keep them in a jar
for a treat.