Yesterday I woke with no hangover, no comedown, no physical pain (already better than last year) and I cleaned the house with Ivo and Rah. Our new little house is much smaller than the last so it didn’t take long to get it straight and tidy. O, how I love to tidy. It is a transference of emotional turmoil pouring into something physical, tangible, something that needs fixing, or cleaning, something that has a satisfying end result that is both productive and self-assuring.
So the house is now clean, but is not quite comfortable. I can’t put my finger on why. It might be that the view from my desk is of those horrible new build rabbit-hutch houses or that I haven’t gotten around to getting a new comfy chair. I’m still waiting for the right one. ‘The chair chooses the writer, Mr Potter’ – or something like that. Or it might (and very possibly) be that sadness and loss has seeped into my christmas spirit like trapped wind. For all of us at home, it’s been a pretty emotional time. I won’t go into too much detail today and not on anyone else’s behalf but I will note that ongoing mental health issues and the sudden and heartbreaking news has sullied the excitement for me this year. I did however have an amazing surprise when I got to my mum’s house on christmas Eve to find she and her partner had prepared Disney Christmas for us all. It was AMAZING. Truly a wonderful and very much needed surprise! The castle, Lumiere and Cogsworth and made from loo/kitchen rolls and recycling, all the props and decoration were borrowed from my mum’s friend’s kids and on Boxing Day, our traditional family party was taken over by Disney fancy dress and games which was so much fun. I had a really lovely few days with my family who I miss living in Bristol now. So nice to be back in Hampshire, I never thought I’d find the accent comforting but actually I really do. ha!
This year is my last year as a twenty-something. A younger, more sentimental me might put pressure on this year to be something great. With everything going on I go into 2017 as a realist and without much expectation. It’s safer that way and I am starting to see the New Year as a veil rather than a door to be opened into a new start. My twenties have been long and adventurous and it will stay that way. 😉
Anyway, back to waking up in 2017. I have no real resolutions this year. I’m not going to kid myself that I will magically quit smoking by going cold turkey and dealing with the physical and mental ramifications just fine. (I’ll cut back, I’ve assured myself.) But I have been thinking about waste and energy use a lot. There are lots of things that I do to be mindful of waste, I reuse plastic bags, I eat some food from the bins, I walk everywhere and I do things like turn unnecessary lights off etc. But this year I’m going to try to cut back on the amount of food that I buy. Food is my number one most expensive outgoing of the month and honestly a lot of it goes in the food waste bin. I’d like to have a better mindset about food and try to prepare more meals at home to take out with me. Food packaging is terrible and actually a lot of it contains sulphites (which I’m increasingly convinced I have an allergy to). I buy package sandwiches because if I’m lucky I can find ones that i can each and it’s quick and easy and on-the-go. These sandwiches don’t give me lasting energy really so I’d like to start bulk making flapjack which I do for festivals. I add crushed up vitamins and hemp protein powder to bulk them out substantially. I want to make them in bulk because aside from basically living off them, they’re also very cheap to make. Things like veg and fruit are pricey, too pricey to be spending money on them for them to go off in the fridge so I will stop kidding myself and be realistic about what I really will eat and just buy the complete basics. Bananas, apples, broccoli and spinach. That’s it. I’m not Gwenith Paltrow, I can’t consume veg like heroine. I will also do more in the way of saving leftovers and putting them towards other meals. I will also avoid buying things online to reduce my carbon footprint. I will also learn what a carbon footprint really is. I’m already doing so well! The overarching theme for 2017 will be Less Waste.
I also have an EXTENSIVE reading pile to get through including the latest Sonorus Zine, Citizen by Claudia Rankine and The Good Immigrant edited by Nikesh Shukla. I have already eased into the new year with the Complete Works of Katherine Mansfield (and if you don’t know who that is you’d better go find out like, right now) which has guided me very gently out of the anxiety which hits every year between Christmas and New Year. I think it must be my brain catching up with my age and the dread of another climatic minute to midnight.
My calendar is already filling up with exciting things and I’m close to unleashing my first poetry collection unto the world! I’ve also got some brilliant gigs and other things coming up which I’ll be announcing shortly. Violet Scott & Amelia Bones are also having another go at a first gig! We’re playing in Manchester on 26th January. Hurray!
Now I’m going back to watching Emma. Thanks for stopping in!