I re-vamped my blog for the hundredth time, thinking that it might give me the motivation to write.
In truth, I’ve been feeling stretched. More so than usual! Despite my furious involvement with communities and events in Bristol, I am quite anti-social, but I like putting on events because I means I can be in a social environment but I always have something to do, a focus; I am never bored. This kind of socialising is ideal and addicting. I rarely go to an event that I am not in some way involved in, either playing or putting on. How did I come to this? When I moved to Bristol 2014, I spent four months hiding in the house, binge watching Parks and Rec and being absolutely poor. I was scared. There were so many things I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to begin so I began everywhere. I have achieved so much, made friends with the best people and now feel completely at home. I have snowballed myself into unpaid responsibilities – volunteering at Hydra, zine-making, setting up LaDIYfest, putting on DIY shows and starting Silver Tongues open mic. I love the DIY ethos because it literally gives you the space and freedom to do whatever it is that you want to do. Getting over that initial barrier of waiting for someone to direct you was pretty easy for me.
But now I’m tired, I don’t know how other people do it. I cope by smoking weed to stop my brain running off without me, but I can never get rid of the guilt that there is something constantly needing to be done: a deadline to make, a email to send, a reminder, whatever. I’d maybe like to blame this for the cause of my seborrhoeic dermatitis which I’ve had since this time last year and people keep telling me it is stress. Please be stress.
I’m going to slow down this year, I’ve got a couple more shows coming up with LaDIYfest and CookieCut, but have also turned down a few. I’d like to spend more time focusing on work (WHAT WHO SAID THAT?) and writing. I’m supposed to have a manuscript for the end of the year!
This was not a very good ‘new blog! new me!’ post, but at the very least, it was therapeutic.